Hey Champ, just kidding!

Hi Steve.  Could  you take a look at this spreadsheet for me?  It has your total deals and commisions from last year.  I want to make sure we're not missing anything. Get that to me ASAP.

"Ok boss!  Anything for you!  Ok let's see...Ok yeah looks ok so far...hmm..let's look at this "summary" area....hmmm...what's this?  Says here I was 104% to goal...wow didn't think I did that well....and that I'm supposed to get a..$10,000 bonus?....wow!  That's amazing!  That's so cool of my company to adjust my goals to make me do better than I really did!

Hey Boss, spreadsheet looks good.  By the way, thanks for that $10,000 and for putting me at 104% to goal!  I can really use that money right now, you know, times are tough.

"Ummm, what are you talking about Steve?  I didn't actually create the spreadsheet.  Let me take a look.  Hmmm, ok yeah No.  This isn't accurate.  I don't know why she calculates the numbers like that.  Stupid whore.  She may not be able to count, but she sure can suc... nevermind.  

Umm, hmm, yeah that's all wrong.  Yeah you are definitley not that good.  But thanks for checking.  Sorry....why are you still standing here?  Don't you have work to do?  You ok Steve?  You look a little...upset.  Oh I bet it was because of that hour long commute this morning.  I heard some asshole in an SUV was going 90 and had a head on collision.  That sucks.  yeah you have those types of commutes a lot.  Well, we really appreciate you driving all the way out here.  But hey, maybe you'll make goal next year! But probably not, you know how we are, NO ONE hits it!  Hahahaha isn't that funny?!"

My SUV makes me invincible

I fucking love my SUV!  It gets 5mpg, but I just put my gas on my credit card and just pay off the interest!  I love just changing lanes in traffic without looking!  People will respect me on the road because my ride is so huge!  It's raining and snowing outside, fucking awesome!  I'm going to go 90mph because I have 4 wheel drive and there's no way I'll lose control!  I'll be safe because I drive a tank!  Oh, hey buddy, you want over?  Oh, that's nice, you put your blinker on.  Well guess what, fuck you buddy!  I'm going to speed up and make sure  you don't get in front of ME!  Listen to the Hemi baby!  Uh oh, I just lost traction!  Whoa, I just tipped over!  There must be something wrong with my 4 wheel drive!  I'm not worried though, I'm in a motherfucking american made steel tank!  Yeaaaah!  I just flipped over the guard rail!  I'm just going to unbuckle my seatbelt just to prove how safe my SUV is!  Here comes a semi truck!  He's going to fucking nail me!  I bet you two red bull and vodkas that he just bounces right off of me!  Oh shit!  Where the fuck am I?  I'm plastered to the semi's grill!  My SUV is so safe that it must have ejected me from the truck to save my life!  Fucking awesome!  Damn look at that traffic jam!  I bet everyone is going to be so happy because they won't be at work because they are sitting there.  And it's all because of me and my awesome SUV!